There’s nothing like a little mystery to get the genealogy bug amped up…

You may need a whiteboard and some note cards (maybe an adult beverage, too) to keep up with this; I didn’t create the drama, but I’m determined to figure it all out! Although most of the people involved are dead at this point, I’m hoping you take it for the spirit it’s meant in – not in judgment, jest, or criticism – only just finding out facts.
 
I was adopted at birth by James Gordon Roper, born 1904 in Indiana, and Marjorie Kirkwood, born 1916 in Wyoming. (To avoid confusion we’ll leave my birth parents out of this).

In the adoption papers I have from my mother’s files, my father had been married twice before, and my mother once. I had the names of all the spouses and approximate dates of their marriages; there were no listed children from this marriage (however there was a stepchild mentioned from marriage number two).

My father had a son with a woman out of wedlock, born in 1949. Gordon was born blind and severely mentally handicapped, due to his premature birth. At the age of 7, he was transferred into the California State care program and lived in institutions or care facilities for the remainder of his life. He died in 2021. I consider Gordon my half-brother, although the exact determination is unclear (my genealogy relationship calculator considers him my brother, although there is no blood relation due to adoption).

When Gordon died his case worker was kind enough to send me a few medical records that had been archived from his file, however, they only really covered his admission into the program; nothing further after 1960 was sent. Recently, I took the time to actually read through the documents and found some interesting details and tidbits in the notes.

When my father took Gordon to the original facility, admission paperwork reported he had been married twice; the first ended in annulment and the second in divorce. This wasn’t news to me; however, he also states he married when Gordon was about 3 years old and there was a child born from this marriage when Gordon was about 3 ½. Statements made in the report are

The first marriage was annulled and the second marriage ended in divorce after 5 years. A child was born in this 2^nd marriage. 

One half-brother living, ‘normal’. (Not my words, but it's written that way in the report)

Dad married again when Gordon was about 3 years old.

So basically, my dad married Wife #1 in 1931, Wife #2 in 1944, and my mom Dec 1959; and had a relationship with a woman he never married, but had a son with in 1949.

That looks pretty clear until you start to fill in the dates of marriages and births of children. I’ve written this out several different ways, but I finally sat down last night and taught myself how to do a timeline on Google Docs (thanks YouTube!) for it to make more sense.

Still with me? Good!

IF my father indeed married a woman when Gordon was 3 ½, that marriage would have taken place in roughly 1951-1953, and the unknown male child would have been born sometime in that time period as well. However, thanks to California’s vital records, I can’t access divorce or annulment documents before 1966. I’m working on it, but it’s not available on Ancestry or Family Search so I’ll have to talk to people or do a records request through the California court system. This requires I know the county where the divorce proceeding took place. Assuming it's LA County, that shouldn't be too bad. But if they got divorced in another county, or maybe even took it to Reno...

My dad's marital status is listed as "Separated" in the 1950 US Census of Los Angeles County. My brother Gordon is living with him, born in December (less than one-year-old at the time of the census). UNDERNEATH my father's name and above Gordon's name are two names, both lined out. "Wife", "W" (white), "F" (Female), "Mar" (married), and "Iowa" (place of birth) are also lined out.

Pauline is Gordon’s mother and was still married to her husband; she remained married to him until she died in 1983.

“Betty”, I believe is Elizabeth Coombs, wife #2. However, my father lists himself as “Sep” (separated) with “Mar” crossed out. Elizabeth is listed at a separate residence in the 1950 census, with her son Philip (b. 1942). She is the head of household and “D” (divorced). Elizabeth was born in Iowa; the age and occupation match that of the marriage record I have for my dad and Elizabeth in 1944.

So, here are the possibilities:

1) Elizabeth & dad were still married, however, divorced before December 1959 (possibly by 1950 if he lists “Separated” on the census). Elizabeth remarried in 1960 to Mr. Lyman.
This would mean Philip is James Gordon Roper’s son, however, he doesn’t have the Roper last name; AND this doesn’t add up with the age of the child, and the marriage information given in the admission paperwork in 1958.

2) There is another male child, born roughly 1951-1953 from a relationship with another woman (no marriage). I have been unsuccessful in finding birth records for this child using the surname Roper and the birth years. My dad married my mom in December 1959.

3) Elizabeth Coombs and my father had a child together, making Philip the stepchild referred to in the adoption paperwork I referenced earlier. Perhaps Elizabeth and Dad reconciled and remarried in 1951-1953, then divorced? Perhaps she changed the child’s surname after the divorce, or did not list the father’s name on the birth certificate? I again, cannot find documentation for this marriage or birth.

Are there more possibilities? Am I overthinking this? Does it even matter as I'm not related by blood to this child? 

This is the detective part of genealogy that so many find addictive. It causes people like me to spend hours at libraries and family history centers, scanning through census records, newspaper articles, and microfilm for the smallest clue to clear up their ‘roadblock’. There’s a lot of head scratching, shrugging, and head shaking while we, the living, try to figure out the tangled webs of our relatives and ancestors without making ourselves crazy in the process.

Brave or Crazy

It's no secret I'm adopted; I'm fortunate that I have a lot of information on my birth family.  My (adopted) parents provided me with what they had and I've done research using the Internet and genealogy sites to fill in other gaps.  Quite a bit of my original search can be found Here and here.

I've written another letter or two to my birth mother, both have been returned unopened.  I have looked up her address on Google Maps, and have 'stalked' (in a totally non-creepy way) her in other fashions but have never met her, phoned her or attempted to contact her other than by letter. 

I have the obituary for John King Joyce (my birth father) and it's full of family information on his side; including a brother named Robert.  I looked up Robert several years ago (thank you Internet) and found his address; I have a phone number but decided against calling it.  I'm not comfortable on the phone and, I'd rather have an interaction -- no matter how embarrassing or uncomfortable -- in person than over the phone.  If they're going to slam the door in my face or be negative in some way, I'd rather take that in person than being hung up on by some faceless being across the phone lines.  Yes, I realize this is probably very strange and extremely crazy.

I decided that this trip to California would been the trip to 'just do it'; so I plotted the trip to the address. Nice area of California, near the Getty Center, well-maintained on the outside (I didn't take a photo).  Pulled into the driveway, parked the car, knocked on the door and stood back a couple of steps. 

A woman answered the door and was hesitant to speak to me; I asked if Robert Joyce was in, she asked if he was expecting me.  I responded that no, he wasn't but that I was the daughter of his brother, John.  She turned away from the door and went to speak to him, speaking loudly and repeating my name, asking if he knew me.  She returned to the door and I explained a bit more about who I was and why I was there.  She stepped away to talk to "his grandson" who said they didn't know who I was.  I asked to leave information and she accepted the hand-written sheet I gave her with name, address, phone number, birth date and some identifying information in case they wanted to contact me.  A young woman (I have no idea who) came back to the door and took the paper from me.  End of the adventure.

Possibly. I hope they attempt to make contact with me in the future, but even with all the information I have I will not contact them again unless they contact me.  It's not a deep seated need; more of a curiosity.

The first woman that answered the door was likely a live-in nurse.  The man she spoke to first could hear, but she raised her voice and spoke slowly so he is likely hard of hearing.  I'm assuming he's of semi-sound mind because she asked if he knew me or remembered me. 

The 2nd woman who came to the door was younger -- early to mid-20's -- and didn’t seem to be interested in taking the information I gave but took it nonetheless.  I have no clue if there was a family resemblance or not as I didn't get a good look at her and, to be honest I was pretty much internally freaking out.  It's been a long time since I've been that nervous -- I think the last time was when I was meeting Gordon for the first time.  

I'd still like to contact and meet my birth mother and my half-brother; but that will have to wait for another time and another moment of being brave.