There’s nothing like a little mystery to get the genealogy bug amped up…

You may need a whiteboard and some note cards (maybe an adult beverage, too) to keep up with this; I didn’t create the drama, but I’m determined to figure it all out! Although most of the people involved are dead at this point, I’m hoping you take it for the spirit it’s meant in – not in judgment, jest, or criticism – only just finding out facts.
 
I was adopted at birth by James Gordon Roper, born 1904 in Indiana, and Marjorie Kirkwood, born 1916 in Wyoming. (To avoid confusion we’ll leave my birth parents out of this).

In the adoption papers I have from my mother’s files, my father had been married twice before, and my mother once. I had the names of all the spouses and approximate dates of their marriages; there were no listed children from this marriage (however there was a stepchild mentioned from marriage number two).

My father had a son with a woman out of wedlock, born in 1949. Gordon was born blind and severely mentally handicapped, due to his premature birth. At the age of 7, he was transferred into the California State care program and lived in institutions or care facilities for the remainder of his life. He died in 2021. I consider Gordon my half-brother, although the exact determination is unclear (my genealogy relationship calculator considers him my brother, although there is no blood relation due to adoption).

When Gordon died his case worker was kind enough to send me a few medical records that had been archived from his file, however, they only really covered his admission into the program; nothing further after 1960 was sent. Recently, I took the time to actually read through the documents and found some interesting details and tidbits in the notes.

When my father took Gordon to the original facility, admission paperwork reported he had been married twice; the first ended in annulment and the second in divorce. This wasn’t news to me; however, he also states he married when Gordon was about 3 years old and there was a child born from this marriage when Gordon was about 3 ½. Statements made in the report are

The first marriage was annulled and the second marriage ended in divorce after 5 years. A child was born in this 2^nd marriage. 

One half-brother living, ‘normal’. (Not my words, but it's written that way in the report)

Dad married again when Gordon was about 3 years old.

So basically, my dad married Wife #1 in 1931, Wife #2 in 1944, and my mom Dec 1959; and had a relationship with a woman he never married, but had a son with in 1949.

That looks pretty clear until you start to fill in the dates of marriages and births of children. I’ve written this out several different ways, but I finally sat down last night and taught myself how to do a timeline on Google Docs (thanks YouTube!) for it to make more sense.

Still with me? Good!

IF my father indeed married a woman when Gordon was 3 ½, that marriage would have taken place in roughly 1951-1953, and the unknown male child would have been born sometime in that time period as well. However, thanks to California’s vital records, I can’t access divorce or annulment documents before 1966. I’m working on it, but it’s not available on Ancestry or Family Search so I’ll have to talk to people or do a records request through the California court system. This requires I know the county where the divorce proceeding took place. Assuming it's LA County, that shouldn't be too bad. But if they got divorced in another county, or maybe even took it to Reno...

My dad's marital status is listed as "Separated" in the 1950 US Census of Los Angeles County. My brother Gordon is living with him, born in December (less than one-year-old at the time of the census). UNDERNEATH my father's name and above Gordon's name are two names, both lined out. "Wife", "W" (white), "F" (Female), "Mar" (married), and "Iowa" (place of birth) are also lined out.

Pauline is Gordon’s mother and was still married to her husband; she remained married to him until she died in 1983.

“Betty”, I believe is Elizabeth Coombs, wife #2. However, my father lists himself as “Sep” (separated) with “Mar” crossed out. Elizabeth is listed at a separate residence in the 1950 census, with her son Philip (b. 1942). She is the head of household and “D” (divorced). Elizabeth was born in Iowa; the age and occupation match that of the marriage record I have for my dad and Elizabeth in 1944.

So, here are the possibilities:

1) Elizabeth & dad were still married, however, divorced before December 1959 (possibly by 1950 if he lists “Separated” on the census). Elizabeth remarried in 1960 to Mr. Lyman.
This would mean Philip is James Gordon Roper’s son, however, he doesn’t have the Roper last name; AND this doesn’t add up with the age of the child, and the marriage information given in the admission paperwork in 1958.

2) There is another male child, born roughly 1951-1953 from a relationship with another woman (no marriage). I have been unsuccessful in finding birth records for this child using the surname Roper and the birth years. My dad married my mom in December 1959.

3) Elizabeth Coombs and my father had a child together, making Philip the stepchild referred to in the adoption paperwork I referenced earlier. Perhaps Elizabeth and Dad reconciled and remarried in 1951-1953, then divorced? Perhaps she changed the child’s surname after the divorce, or did not list the father’s name on the birth certificate? I again, cannot find documentation for this marriage or birth.

Are there more possibilities? Am I overthinking this? Does it even matter as I'm not related by blood to this child? 

This is the detective part of genealogy that so many find addictive. It causes people like me to spend hours at libraries and family history centers, scanning through census records, newspaper articles, and microfilm for the smallest clue to clear up their ‘roadblock’. There’s a lot of head scratching, shrugging, and head shaking while we, the living, try to figure out the tangled webs of our relatives and ancestors without making ourselves crazy in the process.

Write your stories

Over the last few months as I’ve been talking to cousins, friends, and former co-workers; I've heard a lot of funny and fantastic stories. Some are from childhood or the past, others are terribly traumatic or sad, and some are romantic or heart-stopping in nature.

After I’ve listened, laughed, cried, or stared wide-eyed in awe, I always tell them "Write your stories.”

Why? Because those stories speak to people; maybe not everyone, maybe not in the same way, but they speak to people about your strength, your past, your sense of humor, and your fears.

Because your children, grandchildren, in-laws, and future generations of people (you may never know) need to know what life was like for you in your corner of the world, during your part of history.

People not yet born may want to know how hard (or easy) it was for you to find a job, live in an apartment, drive a car, get out of debt, rescue a pet, or marry your one true love. Life has changed drastically between 1916, 1963, and 2022; how people thought, talked, loved, lived, and survived gives others a sense of where they came from as well as why others are the way they are.

The story your father has told “a million times” may be old news to you, but someday, someone in your family may want to know more than the eye-roll information about the tale. Things get lost over the years in translation, memories fade, and purposes become unclear, but a written (or recorded) story lasts beyond memory and time. Think of all the letters and postcards you've found in boxes, attics, museums, or antique stores. 

As a genealogist, I love to hear the stories that people tell. Where they came from, what their parents told them (or didn’t), why they joined the military, how they met their spouse, and how they decided to name their children. I'm always tempted to whip out my phone or a writing pad and jot down the information, but then, they're not MY stories to tell.

Usually, the stories come out on their own, but if you’re interested in coaxing some out of the more introverted or reticent family members, start with a few basic questions: “When did you get your first car? What make and model was it? How did you pay for it?”

Or “How did you meet my mother/father? Where was your first date? Were you named after anyone in particular?"

Or maybe ask what school was like for them, how many houses they lived in, if they had siblings, what holidays were celebrated, and how.

What was their first job, and their favorite one? Do they remember what they earned? Did they save their money, spend it all at once, or help a parent/family member pay some bills?

Every family has a special vernacular; a language distinct to them. Nicknames, scrambled words, and funny phrases that are unique to each family that other people wouldn't understand. How did they evolve? What do they mean? Why was it so important to the family? 

You can write down the answers or encourage them to write them down (I’ve found most people are hesitant to do it themselves), or record them on your phone, and transcribe them later. Better yet, video the interview. You’ll get facial expressions, and a whole different medium type to pass on to future generations. (Of course, you should get their consent before you post on social media, blog, or a video channel). 

It doesn't matter if the grammar, spelling, or sentence structure is perfect. You don't have to verify facts (although you could certainly get someone else's viewpoint of the story to make it richer!), or correct misinformation. The point is to get the story down. 

So, the next time you’re out with friends or family, listen to that story one more time and write it down. Because the stories of our life are the stories for the future.